I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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