My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
