Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
