how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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