How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
