How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
