My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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