I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
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