I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
