I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
