first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
