My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
