If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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