Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
