just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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