yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
