I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
