took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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