I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
