He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
