I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
