Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
