i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
