This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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