So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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