moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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