I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
