i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
