Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
