Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
