This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
