Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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