is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize