You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
