FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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