I'm jealous of your bromance
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
