He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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