She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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