He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
