In the future we'll all be gay
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
