do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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