If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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