I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
