grandma shit on top of the toilet
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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