what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
