I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
