she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
