are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I got inside last night via doggy door
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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