i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
