After last night, I could never be a politician.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
