You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
