Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
