Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
