is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
