I will die if light touches me.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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