How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
