i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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