Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
