ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You can't motorboat a personality
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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