Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
