it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
