a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
